Relationship Challenges:

Do you find yourself in the same painful pattern in your relationships, even when you know better? Perhaps you pull away when they get close, or hold on tighter the more distant they feels. Perhaps you give a great deal and feel unseen, or feel lonely even when you’re with someone.

Our closest relationships can be a source of love, connection and intimacy. When those needs aren’t being met, it can leave us feeling confused, anxious and hurt, and it’s easy to blame ourselves or the other person. If this sounds familiar, there’s nothing wrong with you.

In relationships, parts trigger parts. A tone of voice, a delayed reply or a look can set off a protective part of you, which then triggers a protective part in them, and before long you’re both caught in a cycle neither of you chose. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re too much, or that you’ve found the wrong person. It can mean that two sets of protective parts are each doing their best to keep you safe.

Often these patterns began long before the current relationship, even before we had words. Our nervous systems start learning about safety and connection very early, from pregnancy and birth through infancy and childhood. These early imprints may live on in the body as a felt sense, and in the protective parts of us that learned how to cope in the environment we were in.

Many of us spend years searching for “the one”, and unconsciously believe they will be the answer to all our problems. Through this work, you may discover that YOU are the one you’ve been waiting for, the calm, curious, compassionate presence within you that can meet your parts and bring more security and connection into your relationships. You don’t have to do it alone, and I’d be glad to support and guide you with this process.

In our work together, I draw on attachment theory, Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR. Together we’ll explore how you relate to the people close to you, get to know those protective parts with curiosity, and gently process the experiences that keep old patterns going. We’ll go at your pace, and you stay in the lead.